Return to being meat-free?

(I am going to ask for comments at the end, so please be prepared to write something)

Yesterday was a very lazy Saturday, so lazy that I never got out of my pajamas or even put in my contacts.  Z was feeling blah, so it was an excuse to stay in, catch up on reading, work on some crafty fun, and watch some movies.

We watched the 80s classic, Girls Just Want to Have Fun, which Z got a real kick out of.  She loved the clothes and the hair.  And I will admit I loved it as much as I did when I saw it in the cinema in 1985, Z saw it as an old-fashioned version of the series Shake it Up!  After the fun 80s nostalgia, I decided to watch something a bit more "educational", and put on the documentary Vegucated, which promotes a vegan lifestyle.

Vegucated is like many other documentaries I have seen before on the benefits of being meat-free and the atrocious treatment of animals.  I assume it is kind of preaching to the choir, because die hard meat and potato eaters will probably not be swayed. I love it, but I am sure there are many who would not consider to watch it as they are flipping through Netflix.

I was a vegetarian for almost 5 years after I had my daughter, though I did eat fish once in a while, so technically, I guess you can say I was a pescatarian.  After I was diagnosed with celiac, I gradually started eating bits of meat here and there.  It started because I would be at parties and BBQs, and there was very little to eat unless I brought my own food, so I ate a bratwurst here, some smoked turkey there.  From then on out, I probably eat meat about once every two weeks.  So compared to people who can't fathom a meatless meal, it is still relatively little, but I am still eating it.  Z likes meat and sees it as a treat, so about once a month I will make pork carnitas, meatballs, tacos or chili.

I try to stay on the periphery of the grocery store, and try to limit the buying of processed food items.  When Z asks for a snack, I give her fresh cut fruit, or yogurt.  Though, she won't refuse cheddar bunnies (who would?)  I try to visit farmers markets as much as I can, and I buy my meat at Whole Foods, which makes me feel like I am getting "happy" meat, but really, how "happy" and humane is it?

In the documentary Vegucated, what stuck with me most was a a scene where someone called an organic meat company asking how the animals were treated, how the cows were castrated, what happened to animals who were sick, how they killed animals...and guess what??  It wasn't much different that conventional methods!!  Animals are not given painkillers, they are killed with metal rods through their brain, baby boy chicks are killed alive, because they are not needed, chickens beaks are burned down, and I could go on and on...but you get the point.

Many of us have seen something like this before, and we know in our subconscious what really happens, but we try and push it out of our minds, because hey...we like bacon, we like pot roast, we like our Thanksgiving turkey.  And I do too!  I am not trying to pretend I don't.

So, how do we know if a small, organic farm is actually small enough that they treat the animals humanely?

I don't think I could be completely vegan, I do love yogurt and eggs, and while I know these animals are also included in the group above, I am just not sure it is realistic for me to think I could cut out all animal-based foods.  But, I have cut out meat before, so I know I could do it.

I know if I could go completely gluten-free there is really no other eating habit I could not accomplish.  In the past couple of months, I have cut out many of the processed foods I was still holding onto. I have cut out pasta, bread, crackers, chips (of course I may have an occasional chip at a party), cut down on tofu to once a week, even rice, which I love!  I always say I could live on rice and cheese, risotto is my favorite all time food, but I have stayed away from rice since March. And just a side note..cutting out these foods, finally allowed me to shed some pounds! Whoo hoo!

I am still baking...but I am giving it away, and not eating it.  I realized, I just love the act of baking.  And I am holding onto our traditional of Sunday pancakes.

But the focus of this post is meat, and how I really want to cut it out.  I don't think I would have a problem with it if I know it is form a humane, local farm, but I don't want to eat it otherwise.  I feel I am already very conscious about the food I buy (I try not to buy conventional veggies from outside the US), but I am going to be even more so (and buy more organic veggies/fruit that are from Georgia and the Southeast).

Please don't think I wrote this post to be preachy, it is just really a stream of consciousness about my own thoughts about meat and cheese.  I feel I have lots of research I need to do, before I know what really is "happy" meat, and does it even exist outside of me hunting and killing it myself?

I am very curious to know the thoughts of others?  How do you feel about meat?  What is most important to you regarding what you eat?  Please post your honest comments.  Thanks!!

Starbucks Anonymous

I am writing this, because one, I have an addiction; and two, I kind of want to see if my husband really reads what I write, because this post would probably thrill him, since he rolls his eyes every time I step foot in Starbucks.

I admit, I have become addicted, like seriously (what do they put in this stuff?)...and I don't even drink coffee. Actually it would probably be better if I did since it has much less calories. I just love having the warm goodness of a chai tea latte in the mornings. I have gotten into this daily routine of going for a nice 4-mile morning walk, taking a pit-stop after 2 miles for a favorite chai. There is just something so warm and fuzzy about holding it in my hands as it warms my body on an early morning walk with friends. It seems to make everything all good, and give a jump start to the day.

And as it seems I could walk 10 miles a morning, and it would still not change the arrow on the scale, last night I had an a-ha moment.....so I looked up the calorie count of Starbuck drinks and think I found at least one of the obstacles in my way....my grande chai latte is 262 calories a cup!! (So if hypothetically one would drink one daily during the week that is an extra 1300 calories! Not to mention $20 a week.) What horrified me even more was when I looked up the hot chocolate, and the salted caramel hot chocolate is 360 calories, and a white hot chocolate is 420 calories!! If only I could like coffee!

Usually I feel like I am realistic about what I eat, but with my Starbucks crack, I guess I was just in denial. I guess for some reason it is easier to overlook calories when it is in a glass and in liquid form.

It was a definite eye opener, and no matter how much M would tell me I was spending too much money indulging in this habit, it was the calorie count that has really hit me hard.

I guess the next time I feel an urge to go to Starbucks, it will be for a shaken iced green tea lemonade at 45 calories (and cheaper with free refills if you have a gold card, which I must embarrassingly admit that I do), or maybe I should just stick to plain H..2..0.

So M, if you are reading this, and let's hope you are.....I am going to try and steer clear from my addiction, save some money and calories. I need to make water and lemon slices my best friend.

I would love to hear of the indulgent addiction of others, anyone?

Thyroid Schmyroid

Why is it every time I make an effort to loose weight, I gain? Seriously, this sh*t is getting old, and fast! I admit, I was much better about it last year....I would not miss a Zumba class for anything, and if Zumba wasn't so fun, I would have quit after 2 months of not seeing any weight loss, but it was just so fun and made me feel so good.

So, if you remember last year, I had my doctor run all the tests to see why I am not loosing like I should be - regardless of Zumba, the gym, walking and how much I eat. I thought there has to be something going on with my thyroid or blood sugar, because this just isn't right. Granted, I have a weakness for baked gluten-free goodies, but I am not scarfing them down daily (ok, well maybe once in a while). My doctor had told me everything was normal, and I accepted that and never looked back. I figured this is the doctor who discovered out I had celiac, when I thought there was no way in h*ll I could have it, so I assumed she covered all the bases and I took her word on it.

However, the other day, a friend mentioned that sometimes thyroid numbers may seem normal, but may really be borderline and need to be treated. And that some doctors actually use different ranges as to what qualifies as "normal". I just couldn't get that out of my mind, so I called my doctor, who did the tests, and asked for the exact numbers. And funny enough, the nurse called me back with the information as I was in a bookstore looking at a book called the "The Thyroid Diet" which I just happened to walk by a minute beforehand. I was actually at the store buying I'm with the Band for my next book group meeting, not obsessing about my health, believe it or not. Sure enough the numbers looked very borderlike (according to the thyroid book I had in hand) with hypothyroid.

I called my new doctor here, and asked her opinion. She said that indeed if she ran those numbers, she would have been treating me. So now I have an appointment to get the numbers rerun and to go from there.

And of course me being the paranoid freak that I am, and who hates taking meds of any kind, am now wondering...great..what kind of side effects will I have from this? And after a brief search online, I saw some people said "weight gain"...and my jaw dropped. I will not do something that will make me gain weight! I just want my "normal" metabolism back! Also, an underactive thyroid is also not good for TTC...which is a whole other issue.

I don't feel like I have many of the symptoms except for my inability to loose weight, and I do feel pretty energetic most of the time.

Doing some more research, I see that it is very common for an underactive thyroid to go hand-in-hand with celiac, but one would think that eating gluten-free would help that out. And then I see how there are actually certain foods to avoid, which are called goitrogen foods....how nasty does that sound? And of course, most foods on this list are my favorite fruit and veg! So, let me get this....because of celiac, I can no longer eat fiber-rich whole grain bread as I used to, and with an underactive thyroid, I can no longer eat most healthy veg and "super foods"?

I may have an answer to one thing, but that just leads to so many questions. Do I really have to give up brussels sprouts, bok choy, tofu and strawberries, or is it just when they are raw? Soy, I have been trying to cut down anyway, because I think too much is not good of anything, but I do like my tofu and veggies.

I would love to hear from people who also have celiac and hypothyroid, and your experience with it.

Keep calm and carry on, in 2011

Apologies for being MIA. During the holidays I set my laptop aside and kept busy running around, visiting friends and enjoying one of my favorite pastimes...reading actual paper books! But now it is a new year and that means new beginnings...or at least I am trying to make it mean that for me.

2010 was a great year full of major changes. Selling a house, moving across the country, M with a new job, Z in full-time school, new friends. I love where we are now, but I feel I need to really settle into a routine and slow down. I am always rushing around and trying to take on too much. Especially when it comes to eating.

Thanks to one of my good friends, I have come to the self-realization that I have eatlikeamanitis. I eat the way a man, with no will power eats, and that is just no good for my 5'3" self who has a diminishing metabolism. I have tasted and baked so many wonderful gluten-free baked goods this past year, that proved gluten-free can be even better, but it also proved to my waist-line, that I don't need to constantly prove this to myself. One bite will do. Keep calm and carry on....no need to scarf the whole packet of Swedish Fish in one sitting!

I spoke to a good friend and fellow-celiac how when we encounter something that is labeled 'gluten-free', we feel we just have to try it, because we may never see it again. That in today's world it is such a rarity (it is really not, this is just what we are telling ourselves) to see something gluten-free, we have to grab it before it disappears never to find another gluten-free treat on this planet ever again. I mean, before being gluten-free, I could easily walk into a cafe and say no to all the baked goods. But now if something is labeled 'gluten-free' I feel like I must have it. It is irrational I know. And to think back to over the holidays with how much butter, flour, sugar and eggs I used...well, let's just say....it would have been a French patisserie's dream!

I also realize the horrible cliché of starting new things for the new year and most of the time they fail. But I have to think, if I could go gluten-free cold turkey after I was diagnosed in early 2009, I could do anything! Since that day in March I have not (intentionally) had a crumb of gluten, and I survived (knock on plastic cup)..so I know I can stop eating like a man!

I am not trying to be unrealistic and say I am going to cut out all carbs, sugar and fat.....but I am certainly going to cut down. I am going to avoid most processed gluten-free baked goods, save for some crackers, corn tortillas and chips. I want to start baking my own bread, so that at least the bread I do have can be full of high-fiber carbs like gluten-free oats, millet and buckwheat and avoid items heavy with empty carbs like rice flour and potato starch.

The thing is, I never felt I ate a lot of processed foods, I cook all our meals from scratch and use fresh fruit and veg, but when I look at what I really use, I do add a lot of processed gluten-free items into the mix...especially dessert treats. I am going to swap the donut for a grapefruit! Breakfast will no longer be that quick frozen gluten-free pancake, from Trader Joe's, for breakfast, but a smoothie full of yogurt, fruit and flax. And apples will be back in style at snack time!

I know my body handles dairy fine, but that is where I am an addict and need to cut down as well. I could devour a nice wedge of brie or a huge block of sharp cheddar and that just has to slow down. I am not going to deny myself of it completely, but I need to only have a slice at a time, rather than a week's worth.

Last year, I became obsessed with Zumba. I had a wonderful instructor where I used to live, and she opened me up to a world where working out felt great and it totally transformed me in the 6 months I took it with her. There is nothing I didn't love about Zumba, it is the best mood booster there is! But when I moved I became so caught up in unpacking, new routines that I have totally neglected this. I also used to walk 2-4 miles, 4-5 days a week, have I done this since moving here? Simply put, no.

And since I am no longer in the Arctic midwest, I really have no excuse for not walking during the day. And we have hills here, making it even a better workout! I am going to start back up, while Z is in school, and get back in a Zumba class.

So less maneating, and more moving!

Is anyone else cutting down on processed gluten-free processed foods this year? What are some other resolutions/changes you are starting in 2011?

Happy New Year!

And 2 weeks later..

The past two weeks have been a very busy time, so I have sadly neglected my blog. There has been so much going on ...as well as a hundred other things. Just like we all have, I'm sure. I have no excuse.

First of all, a few weeks ago, I went to retest my celiac levels. It has been almost a year and a half since I was diagnosed, and so I was little late going to get tested. I have tried so hard and been so careful about everything I come in contact with, I was really looking forward to how this test would come out. The original day I was supposed to get tested, I had actually had an accidental glutening the night before, so I decided to wait 30 days to try and get it completely out of my system, and it must have worked, because my tests came out great...and if any other doctor tested me without knowing I had celiac, they would think I didn't have it. I was ecstatic...finally a test result I like! I am thrilled to know that all of my efforts have worked and I have successfully eliminated gluten from my life. Phew! Now just to continue with it..FOREVER!

It is also interesting that as my body healed from being diagnosed last year, I have put on the pounds. Like my intestines must be working now because they are absorbing way too much and holding on to it like it is gold.

I am continuing to go to my Zumba classes, the gym, walking...and it seems like no matter how much exercise I do, the only way I see any bit of improvement on the scale is when I eat like a mouse...I have to literally eat the same size portion as my 5-year old does and no more. And it leaves me so hungry.

I also started eating a bit of meat. It has been the strangest thing, I have been craving it, like my body has been screaming for protein, and protein in the form of meat. When I was at the gym last week, I was craving Boar's Head cracked pepper-mill turkey. I have not eaten this in at least 10 years, but used to love it beforehand....but the craving was so strong it got me to the store and at the deli counter ordering meat. I felt like such a novice, I wasn't even sure how to do it. I did ask them to clean the slicer in case something with gluten was used previously. I got home and within five minute made my self a sandwich on corn tortillas with my turkey, muenster and sliced cucumbers and thoroughly enjoyed it!! I love my Udi's bread that is sitting in my fridge, but thought the tortillas would be less calories than the bread.

I told myself not to think about it, to just eat it. And it worked, and it was good. Today, I even bought some Applegate Farms turkey and will try it out tomorrow. What is wrong with me?? I am just starting to think maybe eating this protein will tide me over more and save me from filling myself up with calories from items that contain rice and potato flour. I think the whole key is getting the protein in, and I know this can be done with veggie sources as I have been doing it for years, but it is not working with the weight-loss, and my cravings got he best of me.

A new rule I made for myself...no calories after 7:30. This is quite a feat for me since we used to dinner at 9pm nightly. I am sure I will have a couple of nights where I fail because of being out with friends, but I am really going to try and stick with this 99% of the time.

And again, I ran into someone who is a diagnosed celiac since childhood yet chooses to ignore it and told me that they don't get symptoms like most people so they don't want to get all "crazy" about it. They told me what their favorite cereal was, and that they never even checked if there was gluten in it....and trust me, this is a very gluten-filled cereal. I was in shock once again, but choose not to say anything. They can live their life as they want. Part of me thinks as long as one is constantly getting gluten they won't have the symptoms anyway, it is not until they take it away that some people will feel it...like me. I ate it daily, never an issue...I eat it now...I am fetal under the covers. 'Whatever' I say to them.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming...

Telling it like it is

Sometimes I need to post something that is not a review or a recipe, but about me and my personal struggle as a result of having celiac. Because this was definitely not something I would have had an issue with two years ago:

As I was looking in the mirror today, I am thinking...where the *%#@ did that come from???!!!! And when I say that, I am referring the part of my body that is my a$$. We don't have a very good full-length mirror in our house except for a very narrow cheap one we bought years ago at Lowe's for like $10. So, I am looking in the mirror while I have my jeans on and a sports bra and it is not pretty, and am thinking....my a$$ cannot possibly be that big, how did that happen?

I always thought that if one was gaining weight one would know it and be able to stop it. Ok, well, I didn't know about that increasing mass of my butt! Seriously, have I been in denial or thinking it looked nice, or what??!! It looks like I spend way too much time sitting, which I probably do.

The icing on the cake (like I really need icing or cake at this point) is when I tried on a dress to wear for the Spring Flours Annual Benefit hosted by the University of Chicago Celiac Disease Center this Friday. I have really been looking forward to this, and now I am dreading it, because I have nothing to wear! The dress I assumed I would wear and never even imagined wouldn't fit me....doesn't FIT me! I wore it exactly a year ago, almost to the day, and it was too big at that time! I just want to bury my head in the corner. So what I am going to wear...I have no idea...maybe sweats and big ol' fleece. Will they let me in with that? But that is the least of my worries...I need to get this sh*t off!

And this was after a morning of Zumba and an hour gym workout. I am on my third month of going to Zumba twice a week, and I try to get to the gym 3 times a week, but it has been more like 2, so I can see I need to step that up to like 4. Add to that a 4-mile walk 3-4 times a week....I would have thought I would see some improvement by now....but nil, nul, nein, nada, zilch! How many pounds have come off???? ZERO!! Gosh, maybe that is an accomplishment in itself...maintaining your weight while adding in these extra efforts, but I don't want that prize!

I had the tests done...I know it is not my thyroid, not an issue with insulin, not an issue with my hormones....basically I am making bad food choices, and probably not getting enough sleep.

I always think to myself, I am a healthy eater. I eat fresh veg and/or fruit at every meal, I cook from scratch, I rarely eat candy (save for the occasional Swedish Fish), I have not had a soda in at least 10 years, and I drink maybe one alcoholic drink a month if I am lucky. I am trying to start paying closer attention to calories and what it is that I am eating that is the problem, and I think I have it pinpointed....carbs and sugar in way too many gluten-free substitutes.

First, I love rice...if I was given one last meal, it would be a creamy, warm risotto, heck actually my favorite quick comfort food at home is a bowl of rice (and hey, I often use brown..do I get points?) with some butter and parmesan cheese and I am in heaven. I could eat that every.single.day. But I don't, and I probably haven't had it in months.

Besides rice, I know I am eating way too many carbs in general and this is a problem. I feel like I have had to prove to myself and everyone I know that gluten-free baked goods (breads, cookies, brownies, cakes, etc...) takes just as good if not better than gluten-filled items. And sure, I may have proved it, but I also gained about 20 pounds in the process, and that is not worth it.

It doesn't help that I write articles reviewing gluten-free foods, because most of those cake mixes, breads, muffins, bagels, and are wonderful and I am so grateful to receive samples to taste, but it is definitely not helping me physically. Last week, I received some samples and I had such restraint, I took a couple bites of each item, and then put them in the freezer or took them out when I had friends over.

If there are a plate of brownies sitting the kitchen...I will eat them. Four brownies for breakfast...sure, sounds good to me! 2pm and I am bored walking through the kitchen...grab one.....walk back the other direction, grab another...and before I know it...I have inhaled over a years worth of calories!

So in trying to control my intake of carbs I am thinking I need more protein to fill me up and not feel the need to snack endlessly, I thought about putting some meat in my diet. This is a huge step for me. And I always seem to crave it when it is that time of the month. It is so difficult for me to eat meat without thinking about it over and over again, and then by that time I am convinced I can't do it. But, I found myself at Whole Foods over the weekend and thought..if I am going to buy meat, this is where I should buy it. So I bought some 'happy' pork and I make grilled pork tacos last night, and WOW, it was yummy. Not to mention, I have never seen Z eat so much at dinner! I also grilled veggies which is usually how we have our tacos with a side of rice that I steam with lime and cilantro and homemade cuban black beans. M didn't touch the meat, but Z and I enjoyed it, and true enough, I barely had any rice, because the meat was so filling. Maybe it was in my head, but it worked for that meal. Am I going to become a regular meat eater? No way. But I am indulge once a month.

And on a totally separate note, Z is increasingly wanting meat, and I am worried that if I don't provide her good quality meat at home, she is going to gorge herself on bad, fast-food meat when she is older. I mean, this is a girl that when we go to a friends house and they are serving meat, she is like a little crack addict begging for more. This from a girl who lives on air most of the time.

I apologize for the stream of consciousness here, so back to weight loss...I feel like I am fighting a battle I cannot win, like I am going to have to starve myself. But of course now when I go too long without eating, I start getting shaky and irritable and then I want to eat everything in sight.

I know I also need to eat earlier (we used to eat dinner as late as 9:30), tonight we ate at 6:30, and get more sleep. I think right now I average 7 1/2 hours sleep a night, I need more. And no dessert! When I feel hungry at 10pm I am going to have a cup of chamomile tea with no sugar and forgo the Coconut Bliss ice cream that I love so much.

I have 5 months until I am a bridesmaid...I remember when I started going to the gym and I had 8 months...but 3 months went by and nothing happened, I cannot have that happen in the next 5 months. It makes me so unhappy I don't even want to see people, and have people see me look like I look now. And to think I thought that last year when that dress was big that I needed to loose weight, so this really has me feeling down. I am hoping that by writing this will give me more motivation and will power against food.

Back to being hungry.

ps - It doesn't help that parsnips have been my new favorite vegetable. I have been making parsnip fries, mashed parsnips, and adding them to stews only to find out on the glycemic index they are like 98! I would have been better off just making regular mashed potatoes and fries...ugh or having a spoonful of sugar. Good thing I like sweet potatoes and broccoli.

The weighting game with a soundtrack

This weighting game is getting me down, but not in a good way. I want to see the scale go down, but it so damn stubborn. I will admit trying out bagels, muffins and cookies isn't the way to get it going. But I am so good about going to the gym and Zumba class....my goodness, what would I be like if I wasn't going??

I had my annual physical last week and brought it up...how since being diagnosed and after loosing a nice chunk of weight it came back and then some. I thought maybe I have an underactive thyroid or a blood sugar issue and all the tests come back normal. So frustrating.

I know I shouldn't, but I will go on the scale every morning, and it just not as satisfying as it was when I was younger when I tried to get in shape. Maybe the fact that I am 37, almost 38 is a factor. And then there is the irony of it all...that if I am going to TTC (try to get knocked up again), I want to be in great shape...so that I can gain weight all over again. But because of the pre-eclampsia and HELLP from having Z, I am terrified to go into another pregnancy in anything but perfect health. I want to make sure I have all the factors on my side before going into the great unknown for 9 months.

So on that note, I am going to get myself another Doodles peanut butter cookie, that I just whipped up, and list my current playlist for the gym:

Arcade Fire

Belle & Sebastian

The Faint

Florence and the Machine

Glasvegas

La Roux

Pulp

Radio 4

The Killers

Magic Numbers

Muse

Patrick Wolf

Queens of the Stone Age

Scissor Sisters

Suede

Ted Leo & the Pharmacists

White Lies

The Zutons

What is on your playlist?

Let's get this party started!

I am finally feeling motivated to do something about this weight gain since being gluten-free. It seems like it should have been going in the opposite direction, that I should have lost weight, but I was one of those fortunate people who lost lots of weight before diagnosis to gain it back after (note the sarcasm). I guess I have just been going crazy baking and trying to prove gluten-free foods are just as good, if not better than gluten-filled foods.

I joined a gym. Something I have not done in 5 years! The last time I was at the gym I was 8 months pregnant and probably in better shape than I am now. But I am so sick of this, and ready to get working on myself, to not only feel better, but to also hopefully get in great shape so I can get pregnant all over again, and go into it being the best I can be.

I started out doing zumba a few weeks ago, which I am doing 2 times week and am totally in love with, in addition to walking 5 miles 3-4 mornings a week. The cardio is great, but I am really wanting to tone my arms, back, legs, shall I continue?? So, I gave in and joined Anytime Fitness, which is where I take zumba class. I must say, looking out onto Lake Michigan sure makes working out a bit easier, it makes a great backdrop. It is nice that I have the ability to work out at 3am if that I what I am craving, but I highly doubt that will ever happen. I am way too paranoid for that nonsense.

I am trying to be realistic, and using my little sister's wedding, in October, as my goal, I just want to look good in my bridesmaid dress, and not look like a chunky monkey compared to all of the other beautiful girls in the wedding.

And if after that time we decide to TTC (trying to conceive) then all the better. That is whole other topic, but the short version is this....we have a wonderful daughter, who will be 5 next week, and I would absolutely love to have another, especially now with her going into kindergarden, and me craving to have a tiny baby again. Oh, and her constant asking for a baby sister doesn't help either. However, at the very end of my pregnancy I developed severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome. It definitely deserves a post of its own, but let's just say that is the reason she is currently an only child, because I am terrified to put her mom's life at risk to go through pregnancy again.

Why can't having another baby be as easy as finding a pregnant high school student like in Juno? But, sadly, it is not that easy. I even joked with my friend yesterday that I needed to start hanging out where all the knocked-up teenagers hang out who want to give up their babies. I know we could give a baby a great home, it is just the getting one that I can't get my head around.

But what's most important to is to be as healthy as I can be for my family. I am determined to take an active role in making that happen..because hey, I wanna be a MILF!

The Yo-yo weight game

The most frustrating part of this whole celiac thing, isn't even the food, or my favorite shampoo that I had to give up...it is the weight fluctuations. It makes me want to scream and cry!

Before my annual physical last year, when my doctor felt she should test for celiac, because of recurring reflux and low iron, I had lost some weight, and was so happy about that. All the sudden my weight seemed to go down at a pretty fast rate and I was able to tighten my belt 2 notches! At that appointment, the doctor commented her surprise with the weight loss since the previous year, and I felt so proud.....silly me. I just assumed I had been doing well with eating less and exercising, it never occurred to me that it would mean something was not right. Other than the weight loss and pesky reflux, I felt great...same energy level, good moods, nothing seemed off.

Once, I received my celiac diagnosis, it made sense..that I lost the weight because my body was not absorbing nutrients and fats like it had before, and I had actually been eating and cooking significantly less in trying to avoid the reflux. . The irony of it all, once I started to eat properly, I gained the weight back and then some!!

I have never a big fan of bread (unless a proper fresh French baguette) and would usually end up taking the insides of my sandwiches out and tossing the bread to the side. Usually, my plate, after eating a sandwich, looked more full that it did before I started because of the bread carnage left behind. Once I knew I had to follow a gluten-free diet, I started eating bread...lots of bread!! So unlike me, but I was/am actually enjoying gluten-free bread more than I ever enjoyed regular bread. Regular sandwich bread always seemed like preserved tasteless styrofoam on a grocery store shelf, but I have come across some amazing gluten-free breads, and for the first time in my life, was starting to eat toast for breakfast.

On top of the constant bread eating, I was also baking more than my normal bake-heavy routine. I felt like it was a challenge to try and bake stuff that tasted the same and better than my previous gluten goodies. And I succeeded, and succeeded again, and again.... Baking is a total weakness of mine. A new Food & Wine comes in the mail, and I must make a dessert in there that night! My family is not starved of good food.

And now without being able to have the whole grains I was used to having, as previously, I would bake with whole wheat flour, and eat cereals or crackers with whole wheat, I am now eating more refined flours and sugars than ever. In addition to the bread, I was eating the new gluten-free Chex cereals like crazy, and testing out any and every gluten-free baked good I would come across. And this my friends, is not a good thing for the belt notches.

I went from being below my regular weight to being over it in a year. I have been worried, maybe it is my thyroid or pcos, but have repeatedly asked for tests that come out normal. I have asked for the more specific thyroid tests as well, that also come back normal. And then the doctor tells me it is how I am eating.

I have also noticed since going gluten-free, that I will get that shaky, horrible feeling when I get beyond hungry, especially if my previous meal was something like toast or some other refined carb. And being a non-meat eater, I am now trying to be extremely careful to pair protein with my meals. Currently, for breakfast I will have an apple with a cup of plain, Greek yogurt mixed with a tablespoon of peanut butter, and this will usually get me through to lunch. As long as I try to watch my protein intake, I can avoid that hungry, shaky feeling, but if I am out with nothing on me, I will go straight to a cafe/coffee shop and order a chai latte to curb that feeling. Not good for the calories. I try to keep a bag of almonds and bottled water on me at all times to avoid this scenario.

Since the holidays, I have really tried to cut down the baking, and portion sizes. When it is at least 20'F outside, I will go for a long walk along the lake, about 4-5 miles a day, as well as doing some exercises at home. I am also planning to start a Zumba class this week. I absolutely love dancing so I might as well do it to gain happy benefits.

Next month, at my annual physical, I will asked to be tested once again for thyroid issues, but in the meantime, I need to shed some of this flab. My little sister is getting married in October of this year, and I am a bridesmaid, and determined to look hot! I refuse to be the fluffy one next to a bunch of skinny-minnies.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? I sure wish I was one of the lucky ones who lost weight as soon as I went gluten-free!!