The Flour Gurl

And introducing...The Flour Gurl.  Yes, that's me - your personal guide to gluten-free living.  I am now providing real-life gluten-free tutoring services.....not just through a screen!

This is something I have been wanting to do for years, and I am starting off this year with a new adventure or two, but first we will start with this one:

The Flour Gurl

The name of my blog will not change, it will just be 'Gluten-Free Musings" by The Flour Gurl.  But now, I will be doing much more than just having a blog.  I want to put a name with what I have been doing for years...directly helping people navigate the world of gluten-free living.  This can be overwhelming and daunting to someone new to this way of life.  For someone who is newly diagnosed, has a child who is newly diagnosed, or having to accommodate gluten-free guests, this can seem downright isolating and impossible.

I remember how I felt when I was diagnosed 6 years ago, when the doctor's nurse told me casually over the phone that I tested positive for celiac disease.  It sent me in a whirlwind of emotions, I felt like the bottom had just been taken out from under me.  I felt completely alone. I was in disbelief, I was in anger, I was in denial, I cried....a lot.  For all the details, read here.

My goal is to help people, who are new to the gluten-free diet, navigate the overwhelming world of gluten-free living, as a tutor would help a student learn French.  Being new to the gluten-free diet really is like learning a new language.  One has to relearn how to approach food, dining situations and even personal care products.  I am not a doctor, nor do I have any medical training, but I live the life 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with absolutely no exceptions.  

For several years I have worked on the corporate side as a consultant for gluten-free companies helping them fine tune their message for the consumer, and working with individuals here and there.  But now, I would like to turn that around and really focus on the individual, which is what I enjoy most. I love working with people, and I love talking "gluten-free".  Some topics I will cover include, but are not limited to: 

- converting your kitchen, and home, into a safe gluten-free environment;

- addressing cross-contamination;

- shopping and label reading;

- dining out and travel;

- attending social events and holiday gatherings;

- recipe conversion;

I really look forward to this new adventure and working with those new to the gluten-free lifestyle. Please email me at anne@theflourgurl.com to set up an appointment, and for current rates.

And, as for my next adventure........you will just have to wait, and read.....

And 2 weeks later..

The past two weeks have been a very busy time, so I have sadly neglected my blog. There has been so much going on ...as well as a hundred other things. Just like we all have, I'm sure. I have no excuse.

First of all, a few weeks ago, I went to retest my celiac levels. It has been almost a year and a half since I was diagnosed, and so I was little late going to get tested. I have tried so hard and been so careful about everything I come in contact with, I was really looking forward to how this test would come out. The original day I was supposed to get tested, I had actually had an accidental glutening the night before, so I decided to wait 30 days to try and get it completely out of my system, and it must have worked, because my tests came out great...and if any other doctor tested me without knowing I had celiac, they would think I didn't have it. I was ecstatic...finally a test result I like! I am thrilled to know that all of my efforts have worked and I have successfully eliminated gluten from my life. Phew! Now just to continue with it..FOREVER!

It is also interesting that as my body healed from being diagnosed last year, I have put on the pounds. Like my intestines must be working now because they are absorbing way too much and holding on to it like it is gold.

I am continuing to go to my Zumba classes, the gym, walking...and it seems like no matter how much exercise I do, the only way I see any bit of improvement on the scale is when I eat like a mouse...I have to literally eat the same size portion as my 5-year old does and no more. And it leaves me so hungry.

I also started eating a bit of meat. It has been the strangest thing, I have been craving it, like my body has been screaming for protein, and protein in the form of meat. When I was at the gym last week, I was craving Boar's Head cracked pepper-mill turkey. I have not eaten this in at least 10 years, but used to love it beforehand....but the craving was so strong it got me to the store and at the deli counter ordering meat. I felt like such a novice, I wasn't even sure how to do it. I did ask them to clean the slicer in case something with gluten was used previously. I got home and within five minute made my self a sandwich on corn tortillas with my turkey, muenster and sliced cucumbers and thoroughly enjoyed it!! I love my Udi's bread that is sitting in my fridge, but thought the tortillas would be less calories than the bread.

I told myself not to think about it, to just eat it. And it worked, and it was good. Today, I even bought some Applegate Farms turkey and will try it out tomorrow. What is wrong with me?? I am just starting to think maybe eating this protein will tide me over more and save me from filling myself up with calories from items that contain rice and potato flour. I think the whole key is getting the protein in, and I know this can be done with veggie sources as I have been doing it for years, but it is not working with the weight-loss, and my cravings got he best of me.

A new rule I made for myself...no calories after 7:30. This is quite a feat for me since we used to dinner at 9pm nightly. I am sure I will have a couple of nights where I fail because of being out with friends, but I am really going to try and stick with this 99% of the time.

And again, I ran into someone who is a diagnosed celiac since childhood yet chooses to ignore it and told me that they don't get symptoms like most people so they don't want to get all "crazy" about it. They told me what their favorite cereal was, and that they never even checked if there was gluten in it....and trust me, this is a very gluten-filled cereal. I was in shock once again, but choose not to say anything. They can live their life as they want. Part of me thinks as long as one is constantly getting gluten they won't have the symptoms anyway, it is not until they take it away that some people will feel it...like me. I ate it daily, never an issue...I eat it now...I am fetal under the covers. 'Whatever' I say to them.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming...

The weighting game with a soundtrack

This weighting game is getting me down, but not in a good way. I want to see the scale go down, but it so damn stubborn. I will admit trying out bagels, muffins and cookies isn't the way to get it going. But I am so good about going to the gym and Zumba class....my goodness, what would I be like if I wasn't going??

I had my annual physical last week and brought it up...how since being diagnosed and after loosing a nice chunk of weight it came back and then some. I thought maybe I have an underactive thyroid or a blood sugar issue and all the tests come back normal. So frustrating.

I know I shouldn't, but I will go on the scale every morning, and it just not as satisfying as it was when I was younger when I tried to get in shape. Maybe the fact that I am 37, almost 38 is a factor. And then there is the irony of it all...that if I am going to TTC (try to get knocked up again), I want to be in great shape...so that I can gain weight all over again. But because of the pre-eclampsia and HELLP from having Z, I am terrified to go into another pregnancy in anything but perfect health. I want to make sure I have all the factors on my side before going into the great unknown for 9 months.

So on that note, I am going to get myself another Doodles peanut butter cookie, that I just whipped up, and list my current playlist for the gym:

Arcade Fire

Belle & Sebastian

The Faint

Florence and the Machine

Glasvegas

La Roux

Pulp

Radio 4

The Killers

Magic Numbers

Muse

Patrick Wolf

Queens of the Stone Age

Scissor Sisters

Suede

Ted Leo & the Pharmacists

White Lies

The Zutons

What is on your playlist?

Would the planet implode??

Do you ever have those moments you just want to take a bite....you have something that smells so good literally inches from your face, you just want to remember what the texture and the flavor is like? Would sirens suddenly sound, would the world look different, would Doctor Who come and save me with his Tardis and sonic screwdriver?

Obviously I know what would happen, I would feel like crap. I would be in the fetal position in my covers in bed in tears. And let me preface by saying, I would NEVER actually give in to it, but it doesn't mean I don't wonder. It is bizarre when you think about it, that we are told that we can never eat a certain type of food ever again. After almost 36 years of eating a certain way and BAM....it is banned, it is contraband, it is poison to my body. But I can have the occasional dream, can't I?

Yesterday as I was picking up Z from school, she had some homemade cookies given to her for someone's birthday. As I was buckling her in, she had one in her hand and was about to take a bite. It could not have been more than 2 inches from my nose...I could smell the cookie smell and see the texture that all gluten-free cookies strive for. Part of me wanted to snatch it in my mouth like a wild animal just to see if I could even remember what a wheat cookie tasted like.

But like a sitcom, I only imagined the wild animal part and then was brought back to my senses and reality. My daughter is such a good girl that she left her cookie in the car since she knows I do not like gluten items in the house. I am so lucky to have such a supportive husband and daughter. They sure help make this easier than it could be and for that I am eternally grateful.

And why is that people call gluten-based foods the "normal" food. Like "it tastes just like a real bagel!" or "I made pancakes that tasted like normal pancakes!" Who determines which ones are the normal and real ones? Is there a committee?? Can I be on it?? Maybe the "normal" or "real" food is what we eat and the gluten-filled foods are striving to be as good as our food.

I am going to go enjoy another Udi's blueberry muffin, because you know what...they are better than the "normal" ones!

Happy Earth Day!

Glutened, yet again!

Only a month has gone by and it happened again, and even worse. So frustrating. And ironically, it happened just hours after my annual physical where I was telling me doctor how great I felt, and I wouldn't get near gluten again. After my appointment I am walking around Target in a great mood, and I pick up TrueNorth Almond Clusters. I had read before these were gluten-free, and checked the web site from my phone, and in their FAQ they state they are indeed gluten-free.

I get home and happily snack on a few, and within an hour, it starts....the stomach cramping, the burning feeling inside, nausea....and more.

I wouldn't normally suspect it was this since these clearly stated on their web site to be gluten-free, but the only other thing I ate was leftover homemade Indian dinner from the night before, and I usually feel the symptoms within the hour...so viola, it has to be the nut clusters. They were good, but the thought of them now, make me want to freakin' puke.

Friday nights are our pizza night, and we make homemade pizzas. And I hated having to disappoint Z, and she was crushed. She wanted me to feel better so badly, and tried to give me an orange to make me feel better, and all I could do is be grumpy and try to stay fetal under the covers in bed.

After 4 doses of Pepto, 3 cups of chamomile tea and hours of pain, I am starting to feel ok. It is times like this when it hits me that I really do have a disease and it feel so defeating and frustrating. It also makes me terrified of food, and I am someone who loves food (as if you couldn't tell). I mean, when something says it is gluten-free, you think you can trust it, and when you get sick it is terrifying. I would be terrified to feel like that if I am out. Like maybe I should just stay home, never eat anything packaged, and never eat outside the house again.

And why is it that before I was gluten-free...I had no symptoms, so I do the right thing and cut gluten out of my life, and now when I do get it, it is like a huge bonfire in my stomach.

When I am feeling the pain from gluten I feel like a failure and lost. The only upside...maybe I lost a couple of pounds. But it is definitely not worth the pain!

Looking forward to pizza night a day late and eating together as a family.

Happy GF anniversary to me!!

Last week, March 16th to be exact, was my one-year gluten-free anniversary. I would have written last week, but ironically, the day before my anniversary, I was glutened! For the first time in like 6 months and in my own home! It definitely brought me down a few notches and I just wasn't in the mood to celebrate. I was all ready to get sushi that night and really celebrate the great accomplishments I have made in the past year, but after feeling super terrible the day before, the last thing I wanted was raw fish and to celebrate food.

I ended up cooking fresh veggies and tempeh over pasta for dinner the night before, and it turns out the tempeh (by Westsoy) I used must have had gluten, because within 45 minutes, I was in so much pain, I wanted to go fetal. It felt like my insides were on fire and took me 2 rounds of pepto, many cups of chamomile tea and a good night's sleep to feel semi-comfortable. Extremely frustrating when I have been so careful for a year and to have this happen in my own home after doing great for so long.

Anyway, back to my belated celebration...it seems like just yesterday I was so overwhelmed and constantly reading the forums on celiac.com and trying to get my head wrapped around my new life. Because, let's face it, that's what it is...an entirely new lifestyle. Without those wonderful people on the forum I would never have been able to get through it. I remember reading when people reached their 1-year mark and being so in awe, thinking I would never get there. It was definitely frustrating in the beginning, and sometimes I would be at public events or dinner parties and have to go to the bathroom and just cry because I felt so deprived and like an alien in the room. But since those early months it has become almost second-nature.

I used to get so depressed wishing I could just eat what was put in front of me, no questions asked, like all "normal" people. I wanted to go to a restaurant and just order and be done with it. I hated to feel like I was missing out, I hated to feel like people felt sorry for me, I hated that people didn't take me seriously, I hated that I had to be extremely careful and sound like a broken record to anyone involved in preparing any food for me. I was angry and bitter, and just plain sad. I am someone who has always loved food, and frankly have always been very careful about what I eat...I have always checked labels and avoided products with long lists of ingredients that I didn't understand, avoided overly-processed foods, and tried to eat as natural as possible, and grew what I could myself, so I just didn't feel like it was fair to be given this new obstacle. Like how could I be doing everything "right" and then be inflicted with a disease surrounding food!? I was really in a miserable place. I never knew anything about food intolerances or allergies, but I did know about reading labels, so at least I had a handle on that, but it did take a while to fully understand all of the nuances of cross-contamination, and am still constantly learning.

And the reactions I received from people was in itself enough to send me in tears. The worst was, and still is, people who think I am overreacting, that say 'you can have just a little...', or 'I know someone with celiac and they still...' Or some people who as soon as I walk in their house and offer everyone something and turn to me and announce 'oh, but I don't have anything for you,' which is perfectly fine, because I am not expecting anyone to cater to me, but why announce it and make me feel uncomfortable and like some kind of leper???

Ok, I am going to move away from the negativity, because I no longer feel negative and angry. I can now go to a dinner party and not feel deprived, I can walk by the bakery section in the grocery store and not think twice, I finally feel comfortable with it. Of course I miss certain things, because who am I kidding, it sure would make life easier, but I am ok with it. For one, it is not worth the discomfort; and 2, it is not worth knowing it is damaging me. Though, I must say, before my diagnosis when I ate gluten happily with no pain, it sure doesn't seem fair to get pain now when I cut it out, but I guess it serves as my own personal indicator for when I know gluten entered my system.

People will ask me if I feel better after going gluten-free, and it is difficult to answer, because I didn't think I had any symptoms before going gluten-free. I definitely didn't have the obvious, typical symptoms, nothing that stood out that something was wrong. I didn't have stomach aches or diarrhea. Actually I had the opposite, my system just wouldn't go, and finally it works! Though looking back now I can see that the anemia was a sign as was not being able to 'go'. I have had extreme anxiety since the birth of Z, and I must say, I do feel much more relaxed after going GF. I am not sure if it is the actual absence of gluten in my body, or because I was so anxious that I would have something wrong with me, and then I found out I do, and so far, I am still alive! When I say I had extreme anxiety I should explain where it came from, since I feel like this is also a piece of my puzzle.

(warning, this next paragraph is a bit of a detour into pregnancy)

In the 36th week of my picture-perfect pregnancy I started getting awful mid-back pain. My OB said it must be a strained muscle and sent me to physical therapy. I was going daily and it just got worse, and I was living on Tylenol and hot baths for the pain, and it did nothing. I was up in the middle of the night in tears and short of breath. I would call the OB on call and explain to them and say I was going to the go to the ER, and they would tell me that it is 'normal' pregnancy pain and the ER would send me home. And what did I know, it was my first baby. All I know is that I wanted a morphine drip and never to be pregnant again. I went in for an appointment and again they said I was fine (though they said this with no bloodwork), I had no idea if this was my heart, lungs, or what, but something was up. I would take super hot baths, even though I knew it was not a good thing to do when pregnant, because it was the only way I could sit still for 5 minutes. I stopped going to work, because I could not sit in one place, I could not go out to eat, I could not sit still period, I had no appetite, I stopped eating, I lost over 5 pounds (which is not good when you are pregnant), I felt horrible. On a Friday, when I was exactly 38 weeks, I demanded I be seen and by my OB, not one on call. We went in, and after they finally did bloodwork, they determined I had pre-eclampsia and later found out, the pain was actually my liver and I had developed severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP. I had heard of it, but knew it was rare, so never really thought of it as a possibility, and I didn't have the common symptoms. No swelling, no headaches, no spots in my vision, no high blood pressure, no protein in my urine, but this was what I had! I was told I was not leaving without a baby, and quickly, by emergency c-section, we had our baby girl. We had no camera, and our phones were out of power...we had no clue we were having a baby that day! Z was healthy at 4 1/2 pounds, but was definitely smaller than she should be at 38 weeks, so it was determined that she had IUGR, so obviously I had the pre-eclampsia brewing in me for quite a while, but the doctors did not catch it, even at one of the top ranked hospitals in the country! So my point is....I am sure that this experience "turned on" celiac for me, but was it celiac that was underlying and caused me to have a greater chance of developing pre-eclampsia/HELLP. I have desperately wanted another baby, but am terrified to go through this again, and risk Z loosing her mommy. I told myself after being GF a year, I will revisit getting pregnant and meet with yet another perinatologist for an opinion if and before we should TTC (try to conceive). I am really hoping that with gluten out of my system, and my increased awareness on getting my health in top condition I would be able to have a successful pregnancy...as long as I get on it soon, I am not getting any younger!

So after this whole pregnancy experience, I was so paranoid of my health. The idea that my body failed me as it did when I was pregnant was a constant fear, and I developed panic attacks on a regular basis. I would wake up on a lovely weekend morning thinking I had some terrible disease and obsess about it. And any thought of me actually having something sent me into a day-long panic where I could concentrate on nothing else. It was honestly crippling. I went to therapy, yet refused medication, and therapy did little to help. So it is amazing that once I went gluten-free, I don't feel that anxiety or panic anymore, or not nearly as often. It is a great freedom! Now if I could just cure my fear of flying (though being married to an Englishman means I can't avoid it)!

This past year I have met so many wonderful people, and learned so much. 13 months ago, I would never imagine this is where my life would be, but I don't regret it at all. And if I can provide even one person with a piece of knowledge that I have learned then I feel really great. Sometimes I surprise myself with the knowledge I have retained from so many amazing sources out there. And most of all, I have to thank my super supportive family, even my 5-year old Z will warn me when there is gluten in something and when she plays kitchen she is sure to offer me only gluten-free cakes!

Happy anniversary to me!!

Let's get this party started!

I am finally feeling motivated to do something about this weight gain since being gluten-free. It seems like it should have been going in the opposite direction, that I should have lost weight, but I was one of those fortunate people who lost lots of weight before diagnosis to gain it back after (note the sarcasm). I guess I have just been going crazy baking and trying to prove gluten-free foods are just as good, if not better than gluten-filled foods.

I joined a gym. Something I have not done in 5 years! The last time I was at the gym I was 8 months pregnant and probably in better shape than I am now. But I am so sick of this, and ready to get working on myself, to not only feel better, but to also hopefully get in great shape so I can get pregnant all over again, and go into it being the best I can be.

I started out doing zumba a few weeks ago, which I am doing 2 times week and am totally in love with, in addition to walking 5 miles 3-4 mornings a week. The cardio is great, but I am really wanting to tone my arms, back, legs, shall I continue?? So, I gave in and joined Anytime Fitness, which is where I take zumba class. I must say, looking out onto Lake Michigan sure makes working out a bit easier, it makes a great backdrop. It is nice that I have the ability to work out at 3am if that I what I am craving, but I highly doubt that will ever happen. I am way too paranoid for that nonsense.

I am trying to be realistic, and using my little sister's wedding, in October, as my goal, I just want to look good in my bridesmaid dress, and not look like a chunky monkey compared to all of the other beautiful girls in the wedding.

And if after that time we decide to TTC (trying to conceive) then all the better. That is whole other topic, but the short version is this....we have a wonderful daughter, who will be 5 next week, and I would absolutely love to have another, especially now with her going into kindergarden, and me craving to have a tiny baby again. Oh, and her constant asking for a baby sister doesn't help either. However, at the very end of my pregnancy I developed severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome. It definitely deserves a post of its own, but let's just say that is the reason she is currently an only child, because I am terrified to put her mom's life at risk to go through pregnancy again.

Why can't having another baby be as easy as finding a pregnant high school student like in Juno? But, sadly, it is not that easy. I even joked with my friend yesterday that I needed to start hanging out where all the knocked-up teenagers hang out who want to give up their babies. I know we could give a baby a great home, it is just the getting one that I can't get my head around.

But what's most important to is to be as healthy as I can be for my family. I am determined to take an active role in making that happen..because hey, I wanna be a MILF!

The Yo-yo weight game

The most frustrating part of this whole celiac thing, isn't even the food, or my favorite shampoo that I had to give up...it is the weight fluctuations. It makes me want to scream and cry!

Before my annual physical last year, when my doctor felt she should test for celiac, because of recurring reflux and low iron, I had lost some weight, and was so happy about that. All the sudden my weight seemed to go down at a pretty fast rate and I was able to tighten my belt 2 notches! At that appointment, the doctor commented her surprise with the weight loss since the previous year, and I felt so proud.....silly me. I just assumed I had been doing well with eating less and exercising, it never occurred to me that it would mean something was not right. Other than the weight loss and pesky reflux, I felt great...same energy level, good moods, nothing seemed off.

Once, I received my celiac diagnosis, it made sense..that I lost the weight because my body was not absorbing nutrients and fats like it had before, and I had actually been eating and cooking significantly less in trying to avoid the reflux. . The irony of it all, once I started to eat properly, I gained the weight back and then some!!

I have never a big fan of bread (unless a proper fresh French baguette) and would usually end up taking the insides of my sandwiches out and tossing the bread to the side. Usually, my plate, after eating a sandwich, looked more full that it did before I started because of the bread carnage left behind. Once I knew I had to follow a gluten-free diet, I started eating bread...lots of bread!! So unlike me, but I was/am actually enjoying gluten-free bread more than I ever enjoyed regular bread. Regular sandwich bread always seemed like preserved tasteless styrofoam on a grocery store shelf, but I have come across some amazing gluten-free breads, and for the first time in my life, was starting to eat toast for breakfast.

On top of the constant bread eating, I was also baking more than my normal bake-heavy routine. I felt like it was a challenge to try and bake stuff that tasted the same and better than my previous gluten goodies. And I succeeded, and succeeded again, and again.... Baking is a total weakness of mine. A new Food & Wine comes in the mail, and I must make a dessert in there that night! My family is not starved of good food.

And now without being able to have the whole grains I was used to having, as previously, I would bake with whole wheat flour, and eat cereals or crackers with whole wheat, I am now eating more refined flours and sugars than ever. In addition to the bread, I was eating the new gluten-free Chex cereals like crazy, and testing out any and every gluten-free baked good I would come across. And this my friends, is not a good thing for the belt notches.

I went from being below my regular weight to being over it in a year. I have been worried, maybe it is my thyroid or pcos, but have repeatedly asked for tests that come out normal. I have asked for the more specific thyroid tests as well, that also come back normal. And then the doctor tells me it is how I am eating.

I have also noticed since going gluten-free, that I will get that shaky, horrible feeling when I get beyond hungry, especially if my previous meal was something like toast or some other refined carb. And being a non-meat eater, I am now trying to be extremely careful to pair protein with my meals. Currently, for breakfast I will have an apple with a cup of plain, Greek yogurt mixed with a tablespoon of peanut butter, and this will usually get me through to lunch. As long as I try to watch my protein intake, I can avoid that hungry, shaky feeling, but if I am out with nothing on me, I will go straight to a cafe/coffee shop and order a chai latte to curb that feeling. Not good for the calories. I try to keep a bag of almonds and bottled water on me at all times to avoid this scenario.

Since the holidays, I have really tried to cut down the baking, and portion sizes. When it is at least 20'F outside, I will go for a long walk along the lake, about 4-5 miles a day, as well as doing some exercises at home. I am also planning to start a Zumba class this week. I absolutely love dancing so I might as well do it to gain happy benefits.

Next month, at my annual physical, I will asked to be tested once again for thyroid issues, but in the meantime, I need to shed some of this flab. My little sister is getting married in October of this year, and I am a bridesmaid, and determined to look hot! I refuse to be the fluffy one next to a bunch of skinny-minnies.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? I sure wish I was one of the lucky ones who lost weight as soon as I went gluten-free!!